6 weeks in, 7 pounds lost. Celebrating the small wins and lessons learned: overcoming my ED.

28F, 5”1. SW:167, CW:160, GW:125

Trigger warning: eating disorder/bulimia

Six weeks ago I hired a personal trainer and decided to get serious about my weight loss. This is probably my 1000th attempt at weight loss, but for the first time in my life I feel like I finally got it right.

I’ve struggled with bulimia my whole life, as a teen then later in my early 20’s. My eating disorder became a way of living for me. That terrible cycle of binging and purging. One of my friends suffered from it too, we would encourage each other and plan binging/purging nights together.

In my mid 20’s I finally stopped the cycle. Only to find myself gain more and more weight. It was hard looking back at the pictures of myself where I looked my best, but inside felt my worst. Previous attempts at calorie counting and my fitness pal had quickly lead me down the same path. I was scared of caring about my weight, because I knew if I started caring too much about it, I would go into that dark way of thinking again.

But not this time. For the first time ever, I’m working out three times a week, I’m eating right, I’m keeping a balance and have my cheat meals once in a while. And I’m losing weight!! It’s not as fast as I would like. But it’s real, and it feels good.

I finally learned that there are no shortcuts to this process. Food doesn’t control me anymore, I’m in control. There are days where I go over, and I eat things that aren’t the best, in the past this would have led me down a spiral. But now, I just pick myself up and try to do better the next day.

The trick for me has been learning to love myself as I am, at my highest weight. There’s no need to try to rush this process, I’m happy as I am. I accept this body how it is, my weight, how much I lose- that doesn’t change anything about who I am, or what I’m worth.

Just a reminder for anyone out there who struggles with ED. You’re not alone, you can get through this! You can change and do things differently.

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