Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Posting for accountability and advice and to recognise that it's okay to falter as long as I don't give up.

Hi all! I have been on my weight loss journey for a while. I am a 5ft 4" female and I weighed 276lbs at my heaviest in 2018. I have a disability that makes any kind of exertion extremely difficult so my weight loss was achieved through cooking my meals from scratch (I'm a Vegetarian), tracking my calories and eating 1200 a day, along with very light stretching and low weight dumbell exercises in the house. I managed to track consistently for 9 months and went from 276lbs to 196lbs. I have suffered from Binge Eating Disorder since I was 14 and felt like it was finally under my control.

I dropped from a UK size 24 to a size 16 and I was feeling so proud of myself. In December 2019, I had a break for Christmas and then in February my Dad was put in intensive care and nearly died from Covid-19. My relationship had some ups and downs and my emotions were all over the place. I have trouble understanding my emotions so I used to stuff any uncomfortable ones down with food and became cold and numb in times of stress.

I have slowly and steadily been neglecting tracking my calories and eating a higher volume of food, albeit mostly still healthy foods. I haven't been weighing myself and with being quarantined, I've had little to distract myself from my negative feelings and hunger. I have put 23lbs back on since December and I am back up to a size 18-20. I am devestated and really frustrated with myself.

I am making this post to hold myself accountable and to motivate myself to start tracking calories and watching my portion sizes again. I used to let failures set me back but not anymore. I'm wiser this time.

Is anyone else in a similar boat? Does anyone have any good advice for how to get back on track and stop beating myself up? I'm trying to stay strong but I need to admit that I am struggling and ask for help, something I'm not very good at.

Hope you're all staying safe and well. Thanks in advance!

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