Let me start the discussion with this: I don't believe that it's anybody fault for an individual gaining weight but their own, sans small kids. That being said, let's get into the discussion.
Growing up, I would say the overwhelming majority of the time, I was on the upper side of overweight or the lower end of obese. I was the bullied weirdo kid that stayed indoors, found solace in video games and food. The one good thing I can say is I always did incredible in school, it made me feel good when I got all A's, that's what gave me some worth when nobody else saw it in me. My parents were very hands-off in their approach to parenting me. Their view was, I never got in trouble, I did great in school, so if video games or food made me happy, let me do it.
It wasn't until I lost upwards of 60lbs at the end of college that I realized that a lot of my self hate I had through my entire life was because of my weight. A lot of the reason why I was treated different was because of my weight. I hate that it is this way but it's true: when you're obese, you're treated entirely different than when you're healthy.
I'm so happy that I'm healthy now, but I can't help but hold resentment toward my parents for a part of my terrible mental health growing up. Here is why.
They are obese themselves, and don't know what healthy eating is, so they never taught me. They never encouraged me to lose weight. In their eyes I was normal weight, because I looked like them: obese. They actively, multiple times through my life when I considered losing weight to feel better, discouraged it, saying I look just fine the way I am, I'll look too skinny, don't starve myself, etc. In the middle of my 60lb weight loss, they would ask if I'm REALLY trying to get smaller than I was, that I was, again, fine where I was. And ultimately, I get feelings of judgement from them when I eat half the amount they do at dinner, and get comments of "that's all you're eating?" Or "You have high standards", when asked why, "Because you like fresh food, frozen food isn't good enough for you" (not 100% true, I just prefer fresh). I also know how they are, subconsciously they take a look at someone who is trying to better themselves, especially at a level they are not at, as a personal insult to them, and that the person bettering their life is full of themselves.
Is it their fault I overate? Not as an adult, no. But I do feel they are partially responsible for not teaching me healthy eating, portioning sizes, the importance of exercise, proper cooking, and even discouraging me at times for wanting to lose weight as it was a "I'm trying to be better than you" attack to them. I can't fault them for not teaching me things they themselves clearly don't know, which is why I have mixed feelings, I just wish they did understand, teach me, encourage me, so that I didn't have to go through so much mental anguish and hate in my life related to my weight.
I don't really know the point of this post, maybe it's venting, wanting to see if others are in my shoes, or if I'm wrong for feeling this way. No matter what though, I encourage everyone to lose the weight, it will improve every aspect of your life, and it IS possible. Thanks for listening.
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