I think I may be developing an eating disorder as I lose weight... what should I do? (23F)

hey guys! 23F here.
For some background - I have always had a rocky relationship with food. I had severe thyroid issues growing up and I could track, restrict, work out as much as I wanted but would still gain weight year after year until I had a surgery to remove it and take medication. That was incredibly difficult for me because I was so dedicated to eating healthy and clean my whole life but when that seemingly wasn’t doing me any favors I would yo yo diet like crazy. I am 5’2 and my highest weight was 170.

After my thyroidectomy, I was eating as healthy as I usually would and working out a normal amount but not intensely. the first 20lbs came off so quickly that it felt like it happened overnight and the next 15 came off a little slower but still with no effort at all. The next 5 were slower but steady when I follow my calorie count with exercise and my plan was to just keep following that with no goal weight but just body goals of being toned and in shape.

However lately (past 3 weeks I’d say) I’ve been struggling with isolation and snacking here and there. I obsessively track my snacks down to the number of pretzels I eat and the days that I go over I feel so defeated and the internal dialogue in my head is me just berating myself about awful and fat I am and I spiral into how much I hate my body to the point of tears sometimes and the next day I will severely restrict my calories and workout like crazy. about a week and a half ago I ordered in food for the first time during all of this and ate about 500 calories more than I should for even maintenance and the next day I worked out for 2.5 hours, aggressively tried to increase calories burnt and didn’t eat until dinner and the same thing happened yesterday when my super sweet friend dropped off cookies at my doorstep. I also have lost almost 40 lbs and see the different in the fit of my clothes but when I look in the mirror I still feel like a whale.

Part of my weight loss routine has been intermittent fasting so a lot of the times I justify the not eating after an intense workout as just doing fasted cardio but I have just felt my general attitude towards being healthy change to just wanting to be skinny and am really concerned because it’s definitely not how I want to approach fitness and health at all.

Do you guys have any tips on how to readjust your mindset towards weight loss?

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