TLDR: Pre-Weight loss story of a random internet stranger.
This is going to be my first and a really really long post. I will make sure to make it readable, add bullets and a TLDR.
I've been a sort of long time lurker here and have gained a lot of information, positivity and motivation from this community and decided to give back to it today. I wanted to honestly share my story (including history) and journey in hopes that someone out there feeling low today may be able to find something useful and relatable here and feel motivated to try again :)
A bit of history - I've always been a big girl all my life. Now that I think about it, I wasn't a fat kid but just above the average height and weight compared to other kids in school. I was however bullied for being fat, ugly both by my family and outsiders equally. So as far as I can think of, I was always in the "need to lose weight" mind space. Tried to starve myself, picked up various diets and activities, nothing seemed to stick or I usually gave up before trying enough.
Big leap to my early to mid 20s, I was in this mad rush to study, get good grades, get a job and clear my student loans. I kind of let myself go here and didn't see myself actually slip into dangerous waters with respect to obesity and unhealthy BMI. I would say around 2019 was when I was at my second heaviest weight at around 239 lbs. I had a lot of misconceptions and inhibitions about weight loss methods by then. I was scared to try anything or just didn't believe in it. My husband (then boyfriend) suggested that we try out Orange Theory. I really liked one of the trainers there, he encouraged me a lot. He used to say - "All you need to do is show up at the door everyday and I will take it from there." He always suggested modifications so that I can do what I am comfortable with and just keep coming back to class. My weight loss trajectory was slow but I was more or less consistent in showing up to class - if not for the love of exercise, for the fear of having to pay the late cancellation fee. I think I lost about 6 lbs. in 4-6 months. In the mean time, I didn't follow any diet - I was eating as I want. I was only focused on getting one routine established first. In parallel I was mysteriously (at that time) suffering from irregular menstruation - every six months or so my cycle would be off, I would go see a doctor and they would give me a 10 day medicine course to get my cycle regularized but the issue would be back again.
2020 - Got married. Then the pandemic happened, gyms were closed. Had to work from home for the first time. I fell off track - being a foodie, I cooked and ate to my heart's content, didn't exercise and gained about 20 lbs.
January 2021 - I was at my heaviest at around 254 lbs. Had two more rounds of irregular menstruation by this time. Randomly decided 2021 is going to be our year of health - I decided I'm not going to pay much attention to weight loss. Instead I was going to focus on various aspects of physical and mental well being and establishing small but achievable routines. For physical health - i got my annual wellness check, got multiple appointments scheduled - eyes, teeth, gynecology, dermatology for adult acne and some backne, weight loss specialist and such. Tried to exercise at home - motivation was very limited and was hardly exercising about once a week but tried to keep up. Made my husband my exercise buddy and we devised our own points system.
February 2021 - I was exercising one morning after a lot of effort and self motivation, I was doing well until I suddenly started experiencing intense pain in my right abdomen. Had to rush to the ER and turns out it might have been a gallstone attack.
March & April 2021 went in anxiety, multiple trips to doctors' appointments and finally surgery to get my gallbladder removed.
May 2021 - While I was recovering physically, decided to focus on my mental health and see a therapist. I was previously suggested by my primary care physician to get therapy as my depression and anxiety evaluations were consistently high.
June 2021 - I started regaining my physical and mental strength. I decided to try LoseIt app as it was once mentioned as their regularly used app in my initial appointment with the weight loss clinic. I started with a calorie budget of 1500 calories, but almost always ate much higher than this, i wasn't again following any diet. When I tried to limit myself to 1500 calories consciously, I kept feeling hungry and unfinished. This is a key pointer that I will discuss again below. I wasn't using any food scales but I established a logging routine and started feeling lighter but didn't really lose much weight.
July, August 2021 - Continued therapy, doctors' appointments. I was diagnosed with bipolar depression and PTSD. I was asked to get medication but I had inhibitions about side effects (weight gain, hair loss and such). I wanted to try talk therapy for some more time. In parallel, as we moved after the wedding and didn't have an Orange Theory close by, I was trying out some free classes at a local gym to see if they would work for me.
September 2021 - Had an irregular menstrual cycle yet again. At this point I've had multiple blood tests, scans which showed no signs of physical issues with my internal system. I was however pre-diabetic since 2019, cleared for PCOS clinically but had visible symptoms - stress, weight gain, difficulty losing weight or keeping it off, acne, facial hair and darkening neck crevices and such. The gynecologist decided there is a clear pattern even though the reports are coming back fine. He discussed an action plan which would be figuring out a combination of medications which can help my ovaries function normally. He mentioned that I should also try and pair diet and exercise with this. I also started prenatal vitamins at the advice of gynecologist - as my husband and I were thinking we worked on our mental health (and have a path forward) and are may be at a good place to start trying for a baby.
October 2021 - I'm a sucker for planning, lists and checking those lists. I bought a planner. Wrote down goals - clear, concise goals. I need to give a disclaimer here that I have been following some of these goals partially by this time already. So I kind of had a feel for them. October was when I actually wrote them down on paper to make it official for myself. Important to note that I didn't by any means overwhelm myself by writing down a huge list of new goals.
- Protein = 130 gms/day as advised by my personal trainer
- Hydration = 1 Gallon/ day
- Avoid rice. Saturday = Cheat day for rice (as rice is the majority of my diet and I previously made unsuccessful attempts at avoiding rice. I also felt I cannot live without rice :| )
- Replace 1 meal with fruits and veggies
- Exercise at least 10 mins/day
- Seed cycling + Tracking ovulation, calories & weight
In parallel,
- I started Metformin as prescribed by my gynecologist. He wanted to see if excess carbohydrates in my body were stressing my ovaries. He also said this would improve my metabolism and possibly help lose weight. Initially I was utterly depressed that I'm having to start on a diabetes medication in my late 20s. But after much deliberation and discussion, I started.
- I hired a personal trainer and started going to gym about 3-4 times a week. This local gym's theory is to focus on muscle gain to aid weight loss. So they have a combination of power lifting and exercises and specific days like leg days, core days and such. I like it so far. My husband of course is being an absolute champ and my beloved gym buddy again <3
- I started anti depressants as suggested by my therapist and prescribed by my primary care physician. Figured I'm already taking like 4 pills a day, an additional one wont hurt.
Honestly I kept up with my medicine routine, gym routine to some extent, water intake to about 50% of the times. Being a vegetarian, it was hard to keep up with protein goals but kept hovering around 80 gms-ish per day. Went without rice for 2 weeks but eventually went running back to it again. Couldn't start seed cycling. Was doing an ok job of ovulation, calorie and weight tracking. So all in all i would say kept up with my goals and routines about 70% of the time on an average.
November 2021 - As of today (11/16/2021), I hit my 10 pound milestone in weight loss. LoseIt says I lost the weight of a watermelon! Sweet :) Bringing back that one key pointer here, while I struggled with hunger and binge eating before, Metformin seems to be working for me in terms of keeping me full with lesser quantities of food. Now a days I'm almost always under 1500 calories per day effortlessly. A combination of medication, exercise and therapy seems to be working so far! I'm always excited to hop onto the scale in the morning and see a number I wasn't expecting.
December 2021 and beyond - Onward goes this ride. To many more milestones, setbacks and getting up to try again! I have a new goal now, I want to get fit for my future babies!
The reason I felt the need to explain all this is that -
- Figuring out what works for weight loss takes time. I think this is a long and important step. It could be a combination of medicine, therapy and physical training. I had a hard time with even taking help - felt I should be able to do these things naturally like a normal person - I was wrong. I got here not just with the help of my gynecologist, therapist and personal trainer but a huge support from my husband, my brother, my mother in her own weird and silly way, my aunt who suffered similar issues as me and guided me well, my sister-in-law, even my manager at work, friends, reddit communities like r/loseit, r/progresspics, r/gallbladders and so many others directly and indirectly. My favorite past time now is reading your stories here and seeing your progress and feeling truly inspired. Being open and vulnerable is not a weakness. You would be surprised by the help you can receive from unexpected sources and it is necessary to seek help.
- I might fail tomorrow but I have figured out so many little things that work for me and I might discover a new combination and try again. Importantly I am confident now that I wont stop.
- I do like having goal weights, getting down to numbers and such but in retrospect this journey has been much more meaningful and something I will cherish and share stories of. For me it is filled with emotions more than numbers. Self ACTUALIZATION for the win!
As a tradition, I apologize for the long post. I really wanted to get into details. I also tried avoiding acronyms as much as possible to help the broader community who may not be familiar with them. I'm incredibly thankful to all of you who post here, it is helpful in ways beyond your imagination. To all those in the same boat as me and trying: DON'T STOP, DON'T GIVE UP JUST YET!
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