Yep, hello. It’s just me. Your friendly fat girl who’s been messed up her whole life when it comes to food and weight. What up?!!
Anyways, I am now in a deranged mood today, because I weighed myself. I probably haven’t been being perfect, but I feel like I’ve been eating a lot less and restricting myself from overeating/eating at night or when I am having cravings, because I’m trying to overcome those bad habits. I felt like, for sure I have lost weight this week. I step on the scale and it goes up by almost two pounds, and I feel like I have been being some version of mindful and healthy.
I probably need to slow down a bit. I’ve been “mindful” for about two weeks now. But I am sick of being overweight. Truly. I am SMO. I have a history of starvation diets, severe enough that I was in hospitals for it. And whatever. I actually barely care about my past right now. I am trying to move forward and idk, I really wanted to lose like ten pounds or more this month, and now I’ve gained???
I have been super sedentary the past few weeks. Months. Erm, years. I was sick with an autoimmune disease and I’ve been stuck since even though I am doing loads better with medication. But I’m just like, WTF?!?!
My intake is something like:
Protein shake
Sometimes no lunch or canned soup.
Dinner, like yesterday I made vegetarian fajitas. Refried beans. ONE flour tortilla. And I’ve gained two pounds and lost none this month.
It’s very possible that I am close to PMS and in the bloating stages of that, but still. I have lost zero weight this month. I guess I have to tighten up more, but it feels like going into Lots Of Attention To Food territory.
Idk. Just needed to vent.
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