So i have been actively losing weight for 5 months now and as the title says i have lost 20kg. (20male, 176cm and starting weight was 131.9kg).
And even through i should be proud and happy about it i just cant. First thing i thought about when i saw the number on scale was "i should have done better, I cant even see that change in me". I have really tried to see the weight loss from mirror but i can't and it makes me angry at myself and feel like i cant ever be happy to the way i look.
Even the way i have succeeded the way has been wrong. I am having one of the darkest times considering my metal health. 2 months i have been feeling like shit and swallowing on all the selfhate and loathing that i have. That has caused me to stop eating. I might eat 1 or 2 times in a day. Someday i might eat just 2 eggs for Lunch and nothing else for the day. The hungry feeling distracts me from the dark shit in my head. And i know this ain't the right healthy way to lose weight but at the moment its all i can. That and my evening runs (4-5 nights/week have become life saveing.
And thats me, sorry this might have turned out to be bit of a rant of my self, but i have no one to share this achievement and thoughts with.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3Dw2s96
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