Five days ago I reached a long term goal of mine to finally hit the overweight BMI instead of obese. The past two days, I have been in a constant binge. I didn’t even realize it until I ate an entire box of little Debbie’s and came so close to throwing it up, that I had to sit in the bathroom for a few minutes. Then I sat there and thought, why?!?! Why was I doing this to myself for the past two days, making me feel terrible?
I realized what I had also been doing the past two days....I had been counting kisses. I made a note in my phone where I documented the date and who initiated a kiss between my partner and I. There were only two, both initiated by myself and met with annoyance and obligation.
This kiss counting may seem petty, but I’ve been in a constant battle with myself over my self worth. In this shitty moment on the bathroom floor, I realize I’m treating my body so poorly and it’s directly mirroring how my boyfriend views it. He is impatient as my one pound a week weight loss doesn’t show results fast enough. He’s embarrassed to let me meet anyone in his life even though I’ve been complimented by so many people telling me how great I look and that they are surprised I’m still trying to lose weight. He tells me not to wear certain items of clothing because they show parts of my body that he’s ashamed of.
I don’t know how to break this cycle. I don’t know how to treat myself better than I’m being treated. I don’t know how to elevate myself and help myself reach my own personal goals for wellbeing. I want to be fit again, but I can’t be thrown into these binge cycles. Honestly not sure where to go next in my fitness journey.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2JHR2Ex
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