I never realized how safe being fat was (at least for me). I was never assaulted. I had never ever been catcalled on the street. I never felt unsafe walking alone or near men, as they just never approached me. I’ve never had trouble in the crappy parts of town, or walking by construction sites. The creepy guys outside gas stations wouldn’t even look my way. I never really feared being kidnapped, because who could have the strength to kidnap me when I weighed near 250lbs? I didn’t ever worry about my guy friends ruining our friendship by having “feelings for me,” none of the teachers my friends found creepy ever gave me an inkling of weirdo-ness, and in the gym none of the old men who would leer at my friends made me uncomfortable. My male dominated sport was fun for me, I just never had to worry about any creepy or harassing behavior compared to my peers
I’m losing weight now. I got taller during puberty and I’m way more active. As the weight drops I’ve become curvier instead of just fat. And I’m only noticing because of the way guys treat me now.I was catcalled for the first time a few weeks ago, and to be honest it was just a bizarre experience. I’m never acknowledged like that in public by men, ever. It was so scary to have a guy yell at me from the street. I catch guys looking at my ass. Their eyes stray towards my chest. Service workers will make conversation with me. Guys who have been my friends for years take my usual banter as flirting. Everything I say seems flirty now. My personality is the same, I’ve always been charming and funny to make friends because I was never pretty. But now it's like I have to tone it down, or people will get the wrong idea.
Walking alone at night now is scary. It's like my peace of mind is gone. I took so much for granted when I was fat and now I’m just wondering if its all worth it. Yeah I look better and i’m healthier but whats the point when I can hardly enjoy myself? is weight loss even worth it? I’m not even sure anymore and this revelation honestly caused a binge.
sorry for this rant, the change has been rough for me
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/kQNzx8d
No comments:
Post a Comment