Warning: This is pretty much a dramatic pity party that I just felt the need to write out/vent about!
I have been obese my entire life, even as a toddler. Growing up so overweight has led to me having some major self-image issues and constantly being anxious about what people say or think when I'm out and about. I know people say we should just "stop caring what other people think", but I honestly do not understand how I can just flip the switch to stop caring. Whenever I go out anywhere I am always internally anxious and on alert about what people think of me.
So I'm fairly new to the weight loss. I started actually weighing myself on July 3rd where I was 157.3kg, and on July 13th I was 153.4kg, so I can see my calorie deficit, portioning and walking is working. Anyway, I started the day off fine. Had a healthy, portioned breakfast, logged it all down correctly then I had the day free to go on some errands and my first stop was in a department store to pick up a new top to wear on my work placement next week. I was feeling pretty good, although conscious that I was in the plus size section and feeling anxious that people might see or judge me, but it wasn't impacting me too much. Then as I left, an older woman was sort of staring at me up and down and then said "Where are the big girl clothes?" I quickly pointed and left.
I know she wasn't being malicious, and I know I am a bigger girl - just a fact. But someone openly acknowledging this to me in public really took the happiness out of my day. I was so happy that I have actually started losing weight and committing to this and doing well so far, this just felt like a reminder that people still see me as big and fat. I know I shouldn't care what people think, but I really do. For the rest of the day I was a bit down and my mood really changed, topped off by the fact that I weighed myself today and I weighed 153.7kg, after weighing 153.4kg 5 days prior. It's the first time I've not seen weight loss and I don't get it, I've still been eating at a deficit and doing walking, although I skipped a day of walking between these weighing dates. Is it normal to suddenly not lose weight? It just added to my negative mood after that one comment and has left me feeling down today!
Also a negative that I regret now, but because I was feeling down I didn't go for my 40 minute walk. I really regret it. And I'm mad I let myself weasel out of it just because I was a bit down. But the plus side it, I didn't go home and overeat or binge after that comment. I haven't grabbed a chocolate bar after realising I haven't lost weight and I still kept to my daily KJ intake and had healthy, portioned meals. So I guess there is a positive to my pity party haha.
I just wish I could stop caring about what people think (or what I think they are thinking lol) about my weight, but I just don't think I can! It's on my mind whenever I meet someone new or see people in public. I can't wait for the day when I am a healthy weight and hopefully can stop constantly worrying about people judging me for my size.
Anyway, if you read this, thanks for letting me rant haha!
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