Saturday, May 7, 2022

Mental health is making this basically impossible

I've been trying to lose weight for a few years now, but have mostly been stuck around 170 lbs. I had a few points where I was REALLY stressed and gained 10 lbs but lost it fairly quickly, and others where I was able to control myself and went down but then gained it right back. In early 2016 I even managed to lose 20 pounds in a fairly short amount of time, but gained it all back around late 2017/early 2018 and I've been stuck there ever since.

For a while part of the problem was that I work out a lot; I'm a mountain/ultra/trail runner in the summer and a skimo racer in the winter so I do a ton of cardio (peaking around 12-15 hours/week, you can see weekly logs in my history) which can sometimes be counterintuitive to weight loss. Keep in mind, I train because I enjoy these sports, not just for weight loss (wanting to improve my performance has been a good part of my motivation to lose weight).

A few months back I did a brief consultation with a nutrionist to develop a diet plan that enabled me to train at a high volume, run a caloric deficit, and recover/not feel like shit all the time. It actually worked great for a few weeks and I was steadily losing weight at about 1 lb/week. But then my mental health took a nose dive again and I just lacked the willpower to control my eating habits. My job and commute have gotten a lot more stressful in the past couple of months and when I get home from work, the only thing I can bring myself to do is eat large amounts of bread, salty snacks, and cheese.

I had a few points during college where I'd gain a lot of weight because I was horribly depressed and just lacked any control over my eating. Furthermore, I also have a history of just mindlessly eating when I'm not even hungry at all as an avoidant behavior.

It's really weird for me because I'm generally extremely disciplined about my training and willingly get up at 5 or 6 AM to run laps up and down a hill for an hour or two, but when it comes to eating, I have absolutely no self control.

I do think I should see a therapist or even a psychiatrist about this, but my insurance currently makes that impossible. Furthermore, I've had some bad experiences with therapists in the past on this issue; a lot refused to recognize that my eating habits were problematic and they just gave me "oh that's fine, you're not even fat!" Like, uhhh, i'm pretty sure that mindlessly stuffing your face with crackers when you're putting off a homework assignment during an all-nighter is NOT something mentally healthy people do.

submitted by /u/AscensusMontium
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