I think I started weight loss back in 2015, 300lb. Lost 150lb in 3 years and maintained for about 2 years. 2020 when Covid came around I took a leave of absence from work and just chilled at home for a few months. During that time I probably gained 20lb, maybe getting to around 180. Went back to work, and my coworker who was like a mom to me was brutally assaulted and suffered a TBI, never came back to work. That sent me into a really deep depression, and I just started self soothing with food. Then I began sort of dating my roommate (my first “girlfriend”), and I got really comfortable and I put on some serious weight. Mixed in there were a bout of SSRIs and my appetite only increased. Ever since covid started I’ve just been gradually putting on weight with no end in sight. I’m terrified of stepping on a scale, and haven’t weighed myself since probably 190lb. If I had to guess I’m probably 250-260 as of writing. I went from wearing small shirts to 2xl and unable to find a pair of jeans to fit around my waist my stomach is so big. I feel like a failure constantly, and I self medicate with more food and then feel shitty. It’s been so long since I was this weight I forgot how bad of a vicious cycle it was. I hate it, I cry myself to sleep every night. I want to fix it, but it all just feels pointless. I don’t know what to do, I don’t know how to even get back into the mindset of cutting calories. Shit fucking sucks man
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