Finding my way back to this sub as I think once again about losing weight. I’m a 25F at 5’9” with SW of 250 and a CW of 247.
I have gained and lost weight many times over the past 5 years (started gaining after going to college, was a high school athlete), but am back now at one of my highest weights ever. If I’m honest with myself, my most “successful” runs at weight loss have been through self punishment, self hate, and disordered eating which was never sustainable. Then, I went through some very difficult family trauma last year, along with leaving college and being in a demanding sedentary job, which has got me up to this high weight that I have maintained for about 12 months
In the 12 months I’ve maintained (which is a positive, at least I didnt keep gaining), I started therapy, got on an anxiety med, moved into an apartment I love, and have been generally working on myself. My health is thankfully good though my doc wants me smaller.
Now that I am through a busy season at work, I have a craving to just work on living a better life, and part of that is weight loss. But this time, I don’t want to weigh myself every single day, obsess over every single calorie, or starve myself. I want to be happy and focus on things that make me feel good and focus on living a good life in the hopes that weight loss comes with it over time.
Eating home cooked meals with a focus on vegetables and whole foods, with some calorie counted treats and yummy additions makes me feel good. Eating 1100 a day and crying over a tbsp of butter makes me feel bad. Going on a walk around my neighborhood feels good. Forcing myself to run when I hate it is bad. Spending a Saturday out and about at a museum or the farmers market or with a friend feels good. Staying in because I hate how my body looks in that shirt and I need to isolate to have the time to count every calorie to perfection feels bad.
So, I am going to focus on joy. Sometimes that may not be the quickest route to getting skinny as fast as possible. Maybe that means my realistic goal weight is 170-180 rather than my high school weight of 150. Maybe some days I skip the exercise to focus on a new book I’m stoked about or maybe I eat at maintenance today because my friend wants to check out a new ice cream spot. But I also practice self love by healing my tendency to binge, rewarding myself with things other than food, and weighing myself every couple weeks to stay on track. I think this is a way for me to work towards living a life where I am happy, healthy, and yes smaller, but at a level where I am at peace. I want to built habits I can sustain for a life I am excited to live
Feel free to share your story or any tips, encouragement or ideas!!
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