I (F20) am really worried for my husband (M21) about his spiralling weight gain and the health complications that may come with it. VENT/ADVICE(maybe?)

Hello, I recently lost 20ish pounds (5’7, SW 155lbs CW 135) and I’ve taken a love to fitness and nutrition. I get a lot of compliments on my new physique, especially from my Asian in-laws who used to point out constantly that I was fat (if you’re Asian or have Asian family, you will understand).

My husband has become self deprecating and scared of losing me since then. He’s gained roughly 50lbs from high school and is visibly chubby, about 220lbs. His mom constantly cries and begs him to lose weight, as she’s a bit of a worry wart and has a friend who’s overweight 18yr old died in their sleep suddenly. He feels like a failure and is embarrassed to walk beside me for fear of judgement from others because I’m in shape and he’s not. I’ve insisted that I still find him wildly attractive and that he doesn’t have to start his weight loss journey if he isn’t ready yet, but he still gets in his head about it.

Since, I’ve been supportive and have been gently pushing him to start working out or making healthier decisions. He strictly eats out, we don’t have a kitchen in our apartment but I’ve bought a mini fridge, airfryer and induction plate for this reason. Instead of insisting on radical diet change, I’ve instead tried to push him to choose healthier things on menus that he frequents but to no avail. He keeps trying to do radical diets like not eating 3 days a week but I strongly try to dissuade him from disordered eating and he can barely last a week into crash diets.

He’s been gaining, and gaining and gaining even more and I’m starting to get really really worried. I haven’t voiced my worries to him but he’s become so obsessed with food (specifically fat, he loves fatty things like red meats, oils and butter, etc.), that he eats close to 3500 calories a day. I’ve tried making him healthy food at home but he doesn’t like it very much and his mom pressures me to make him lose weight.

I’m just kind of at a loss for what to do. I understand the way I lost weight doesn’t work for him sustainability wise, and maybe he isn’t ready to lose yet. It’s clear there is some mental compulsion with high end restaurant food (he rarely eats fast food believe it or not), and he likely needs therapy to sort it out but we cannot afford it. I just try to support him and help him through this hard time but I worry he’s doing irreparable damage to his body. Anyway thanks for listening.

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